Expat, Impat, Repat?

By the time I was 20 I had lived in 3 countries. By the time I was 30 I had lived and/or worked in 15 countries. Then I met my Dutch husband on a flight back to the Netherlands from the USA. We married and had our first child in Amsterdam and then moved to the UK for 5 years (where we had two more children). Around 6 years ago we moved to Groningen and we had our fourth child. So all in all I am pretty experienced at the whole ex-pat stuff.

Then, last September, my husband’s employer asked him if he would like to go to Cardiff for 6 months and take his family with him.

Somehow this time the decision was harder. With 4 children settled in school, a husband happy at work, myself finally making (Dutch) friends and feeling settled in, was this a good idea? On the plus side: the children would get a “foreign” experience which is valuable in itself. They would get a chance to improve their English (especially written) and learn a bit of Welsh. Wales is a beautiful country (and I do so miss the hills when I am in the Netherlands). Most importantly, due to the nature of the work and being away from all the usual music and sporting activities that seem to fill our evenings and weekends, we would be able to spend more time as a family.

On the down side: we knew it would be an awful lot of upheaval and organization and disruption for just 6 months away. Our eldest child would be going to “Groep 8” soon, a pretty crucial year and our youngest had just started school – would going away be detrimental to their Dutch schooling? What about leaving my husband’s parents, who were getting older and frailer? What would we do with our house and garden in the Netherlands? What about the cost of it all?

In the end we decided that despite all the negatives, the positives combined with our lust for adventure and our knowledge that this would probably be our last chance, we decided to go for it.

And what an upheaval it was. Firstly on the Dutch side: trying to get clear answers from the school here (will there be a place for them when we come back, what level of work will they need to take with them, what about the CITO tests, what forms do we have to fill in for the Onderwijsinspectie) proved a frustrating and long-winded process. The Onderwijsinspectie were negative, disorganised and frankly not helpful. Then the house. We were fortunate in finding someone early on who would maintain the garden whilst we were away, but could we leave the house empty for six months? We felt we could not, so looked into renting it out. However, the effort involved in clearing the house, making repairs, providing suitable (i.e. not worn out by 4 children) furniture, organizing storage, finding suitable tenants, was just not compensated by the rent we would be able to obtain. Again we were fortunate: at the 11th hour we found what is effectively a house-sitter, who fortuitously was going to be homeless for almost the exact period we were going to be away. At the same time our neighbor lost her job and needed a project, so we have an extra set of eyes/helping hands on the place.

Then the UK side. Finding a school was quite frankly a nightmare and incredibly stressful. When we lived in the UK before, the children were able to walk a mile down a country lane to what is now the smallest school in Britain and there was no trouble getting places. Now, in a big city with 4 children, it is a different story. Not a single place to be had for our youngest. Not a single school (and believe me I visited, rang, looked up virtually every school within Cardiff council) to be found that could place all the children together. I finally found a school in the Rhondda Valley, but then we couldn’t find rental accommodation in the catchment area. Couldn’t look for a house if we didn’t know which school, couldn’t pick a school and hope a place would become available if we didn’t have an address. STRESS! In the end my husband’s employer agreed to pay for a term at a private school, killing two birds with one stone: the children had a school (thereby also satisfying the Onderwijsinspectie) and we weren’t stuck with a narrow catchment area in which to find a house.

Ah yes, finding a house. A house big enough to fit 6, furnished, and for 6 months only. Not popular is an understatement. I will spare you the stories of houses where “furnished” consisted of 2 sofas and a single bed, the damp ones, the ones with nicotine dripping off the walls, the ones that suddenly weren’t available after all and the ridiculous fees charged by agencies, as well as the organisation and costs involved in travelling back and forth to look at these properties. In the end fortune was on our side again. Friends in Monmouth (about 45 minutes from Cardiff) found, visited and secured a house for us.

So now we are here. Has it been worth it? The eldest three are speaking and reading English fluently and their writing is improving. The youngest who previously refused to speak English at all (“dat hoeft niet hoor, mama”), now speaks English and the odd phrase in Welsh. The countryside is beautiful (beaches, hills, forests), there is lots of family stuff to do, the house has a lovely garden and the school has been very accommodating and it is lovely to not have to book a flight or a ferry to meet up with friends and family and the in-laws and several of the children’s friends have been introduced to Skype (my mother-in-law in her seventies learning to use a tablet for that purpose!).

The elder children very much miss their friends, they all miss the much shorter school days in the Netherlands and “appelmoes” and “hagelslag” and now that I am older and more settled, I am finding it harder to adapt quickly and I am still recovering from the stress and work involved in getting here and oh yes, the Onderwijsinspectie is still chasing us. But all in all, we are building lovely memories to treasure in the future, as a family and as individuals and these new experiences will hopefully enhance the children’s opportunities going forward and as I walk the Coastal Path, or admire the views in the Brecon Beacons, I am happy.

And in two months’ time I shall have to start getting organized about coming back to the Netherlands!